Captain Snifster

Okay, what is that smell? Whadya do? Did you do a stinky pifff out of your behind? Is it your skin that smells funny? No, I can tell it’s the same, but something’s different. My neck hairs are at attention. I sense danger. I’ll scan the room. There’s my doggie bed, Mom’s loveseat and Dad’s lounger. Is it in the fireplace sniff, sniff, no, under the couch, sniff, sniff, no…where in the helix is that strange smell coming from? Did Dad leave an empty beer bottle on the table again? Sniff, sniff, nooo. Is Mom reading a new book or magazine, sniff, sniff, nope?
Hey, maybe they brought a brother home for me? Nah, I would have noticed a puppy right away. Could it be me? Let me bend in half to smell my own butt. Wait. Sniff. Wait. Sniff. Just going around in circles here, hmm, gotta stop myself, snifffff, no, not me either.
What is that over there? It’s a large box. No wonder I couldn’t find it, cardboard has no real odor. It looks dangerous. It needs to vamoose. Well, the only sensible course of action is to bark at it until it goes away. Bark! Bark! I must raise the volume to make it disappear. How did something new get into my house? How could they? I know they know I don’t like change. New items disturb my sense of normalcy. I should be present to inspect and approve when anything new comes into the house. What if they don’t even know it’s here. It could have dropped in from the sky. I’ll search for Mom and let her know about the offensive object. There she is, bark, look, bark, look. We walk slowly together up to the box. To warn her, I bark some more, get it out of here. It’s gonna explode!
She looks down at me, pats me on the head. Tells me it is okay, I’m a good dog and gives me a treat. I look up at her with pride in my eyes. I did my job. I let her know about the foreign object. I’m Captain Snifster.